love in the time of chlamydia.

my mom thinks i have high standards.

in life, generally, but more specifically for my men. por ejemplo, we were just talking about Guy A who happened to manufacture some interest in me and I made some remark that he was a Philosophy major or something... and she said--i quote--"You really have no room to talk considering you're a Theatre major... in an agriculture and engineering school." Thank you, mother.

I, of course, respond to this to put her in her place. it's not that i am not smart or talented enough to do any other major, it's the fact that i chose to do theatre--not that it was the only thing i am eligible to do. Guy A didn't have a choice. He was an idiot. He wanted to go to a school with blonde, rich, food-deprived babymakers and the only way he could get in would be to take an obscure major. hence... philosophy.

I don't think I have high standards. I think i have... standards. Even sub-par standards. I don't want an idiot.

At my work there are a plethora of idiots. A cornucopia of morons. and most of the time these people are just over the phone. I've decided that it takes a real tool to screw up a 2 minute phone conversation. I guess that's what you get for being one of the only girls working in an electronic store. a normal day on the phone goes as follows:

me: welcome to ____, how can I help you?
boy: yeah, can you give me the electronics department?
me: (long pause)yes.
boy: is this the electronics department?
me: (shorter pause)yes.
boy: oh, good. would you guys return my xbox360?
me: What's wrong with it?
boy: Well, I took it apart and now it doesn't work.
me: (long pause again)no.
then i usually hang up.
(Another thing that is totally misleading about boys over the phone because GUARANTEED if a guy sounds like a babe on the phone, he is NOT cute in person. you try it. Guarantee.)

someone once said that you attract the kind of person that you are. besides using one of the most inane self-motivational quotes of all time, that person (who shall remain nameless) was also totally full of shit.

somehow, i always end up dating or nearly dating someone who is 1) unemployed, 2) not in school or 3) a wake-and-baker (and i don't mean of the foodnetwork kind). as you may or may not know, i don't fit into any of those categories. vegans, musicians, artists--listen up now. I eat meat. I like to listen to Rihanna. and chances are my art or knowledge of art is nothing short of unimpressive.

Last night was pretty sweet on Mary Murphy's Hot Tamale scale. I bum a cigarette from this psuedo cute boy and when i ask him for a light, he says, 'i don't have one. that's why i gave you one! what are you good for?' I, of course, see this as a challenge and decide I will not fail this unremarkable boy and go on my mission. after a few minutes, i find a light and present it to him. I am a gem, i tell him. he says--no, quotes--"you have such a luscious....assss." ha! that is the first time i ever gotten that compliment. to let you know, i do not have a luscious rump but the fact that someone thought so--well hot damn. that's great. he then also to lick his lips and mumble off some other great assets i have. we then decided we were done with this boy. but really, the highlight of my night is when I walked up the stairs to the bar and at the top step--a cute boy took my face in his hands kissed both cheeks then looked me in the eyes and said, "you are beautiful." i don't get many nights like this. and it's nights like this that makes me like boys again. so unpredictable and sweet and sleazy.

so whatever. in conclusion. i am not stuck up. i don't have high standards. i just want...a person with a few good lines. some... long-term plans. some wit. and a job.
really. it's not that hard.

chelsea 'big booty' brown