10 things that are very, very devastating (concurrently).

10) Old Nickelodeon game shows. I can’t tell you how many times I could have won legend of the hidden temple or took home just a little piece of the crag. But it was a) in florida and b) NEVER looking for contestants. I always felt like they paid kid actors to come on the show because no one, I mean no one, I ever met had made it anywhere near getting close to getting on the show.
9) Sarah Palin. Ugh. I know what you’re thinking. But I really have to go there. She is anti-feminist and homophobic and she’s GORGEOUS. It really is a waste, isn’t it? Such a stupid, good looking woman. I was half-expecting this Jermaine Greer predecessor, ready to put McClain in his place. Unfortunately, that's not the case. But good for her for being that attractive at her age.
8) Choke being made into a movie. Sam Rockwell? Come on. Just watch the trailer: . Chuck Palahnuik should be fucking pissed.
7) Zach Braff. If you saw Garden State and loved it (and mostly because of Mr. Braff), I’ll save you the heartbreak and tell you not to watch the show “Punk’d.” To let you know, briefly, as to what happened Asston Kutcher thought would be really great to pay some actor kid to spray paint a car that looked like Zach Braff’s and then when Zach returned to his “car”, pretend that he didn’t do anything. When Zach actually did come out, all he did was cuss at this little boy and say things like, “do you know who I am?!” It was then I realized that Zach Braff will never be the emotionally stunted boy who wanted to start feeling everything and thought that the shins were great. He will never be as funny or sweet or jaded with all the money and women he accumulates. He most definitely will never ever be the boy who just wants to feel love. All of this recognized in this ridiculous three minute gag. Thanks Asstan for ruining my life.
6) My bike. My bike would be really cool for an eight year old. I feel like with my bike I have to peddle a whole lot harder than everybody else therefore making me breathe hard and sweat and look more out of shape than I actually am. Now I live like… two seconds away from school and could easily—very easily—ride my bike to school but I refuse to. I am out of shape, and this I embrace, but I would rather run to school in a sports bra and booty shorts than be forced to push my bike up the hill that is my school because my bike can’t take the uphill velocity.
5) Sunday nights. I live in a town where every night is a party, Monday= Karaoke and beer pong, Tuesday=Two for one drinks, $1 tacos, Wednesday=pint night, Thurs-Sat=freakin weekend ignition remix. Except for Sunday. Sunday means you can go to a bar called Mothers and drink (or on a Sunday, drinking is called 'alcoholism' or 'blasphemy') and watch old, weathered male and females sing melodramatic 80s songs while trying to recapture some vague sense of youth by being out on the town passed 11’o clock. Sunday nights are extremely...devastating. sigh.
onto number 4)New Cartoons. what happened to ren and stimpy? rocko's modern life? rugrats? justice league? even blue's clues was a gem to the generation following us. but now, there are creepy interactive multi-lingual shows like Dora the Explora or Go! Diego! go!(funny, ironical title isn't it?). and let's start out by saying that i am not in opposition to integration (in fact, i'm all about integration ) I am in opposition to the feeling that need to push education into children as early as possible. american kid cartoons force feed education as vigorously as we force feed food into an anorexic. tell me this, what is education without social skills? without common sense? You're right. a serial killer.
3)Snapple Facts. (collaboration with sydney hollingsworth) i, like my fellow family friends and acquaintances, all trusted the little nugget of information provided on the back of those lids. Then snapple broke our hopes and dreams.
2)Sk8ter Bois. why are you boys so ridiculously sexy and pretty much the coolest boys in the entire world? date me. all of you.
And finally. The most devastating of the bunch…
1) The cancellation of Veronica Mars. If you’re questioning this last statement, then you have quite obviously not watched the show and do not understand brilliance when it is laid out right in front of you. Veronica Mars was a collage of mystery, suspense, romance, and comedy. Kristen Bell was so charming and cute and smart and all of this totally won me over which is extremely hard to do, for a girl, leading me to reconsider my sexuality for a good three weeks. Then there was Logan Echolls, played by Jason Dohring, the sexiest, rich, bad boy antagonist and how his relationship with Veronica always kept the audience on their edge of their beige corduroy couches. Plus that bald guy from Just Shoot Me was on it and he was hilarious. Veronica, are you going to stay with Fizz or go back to Logan? Logan forever! Who is going to win sheriff, Keith or
the other guy? Will Wallace ever find true love? Is Rob Thomas the actual matchbox 20 rob thomas or like 'i am a man and my happens to be rob thomas identical to the singer of the band matchbox twenty'?

i am in perpetual limbo with veronica mars. they should have known it was going to be canceled! they should have tied the ties. they should have sent fiz away and let logan and veronica be together like they were supposed to be.

i hate television.

10thingsihateaboutchelseabrown

invasion of the panty snatchers.

sunday afternoon errands lead to my mother and i doing some unnecessary shopping at the local ross. as i browse the cheap underwear department, i find this adorable pair of turquoise lacy booty shorts. i was extra stoked to see they were only 99 cents. So i take my little handful of panties, and head towards the dressing room to try on the few bras i picked out (on account of my petite boob size, my selection was rather dim). The dressing room attendant tells me for the sake of thievery (and for the sake i don't try them on) that she needs to hold the underwear up there. Being of the trusting kind, I comply.

after i'm done, I walk towards the dressing room attendant, bras in tow, so excited to see these absolutely sexy lacy booty shorts that I had--by chance--happened to stumble upon (side note: it really is a steal to find 99 cent underwear at ross that doesn't have any moth holes or skid marks). When i drop off the unneeded items to her, i notice that my adorable, cheap, what-a-steal underwear are...gasp...missing. I ask the attendant, "Excuse me, but...uhh.. where are my underwear? You know the cute ones? Only 99 cents. I'd left them with you and you said you would hold them for me forever and ever and for only me and now they are gone. WTF." You know what that bitch said. She said "I don't know, they must have been picked up for Go-backs. I'm really sorry maybe they were put back in the section (obligatory smile)" I hated her. In fact, I still hate her. She made me put my trust in her, and she blew it. I should have just stolen the underwear.

despite my ardor for the stupid piece of shit attendant, i still needed to find my panties. I didn't want to accept that my panties had simply been whisked off into the oblivion that is the cheap underwear department. No, someone had stolen this golden artifact. someone out there knew the value of those cute little lacy panties and I was going to find out who it was.

i start to make my way back over to the underwear section to try and find another pair--or, THE THIEF WHO TOOK THEM, when--lo! and behold! i see a woman holding the same pair i'd just, regrettably, left with that idiot attendant.

Me: "excuse me, but did you happen to find those over by the dressing room?"
Pantysnatcher: (cold, foreign) "no. i find them right here."

NO SHE DIDN'T. but...i give her the benefit of the doubt and i proceed to browse for another pair muttering under my breath, "man doesn't look like there's any more.. too bad people are rude and steal other peoples underwear." i give up and walk off. I am totally pissed.

i was legitimately excited about buying THAT SPECIFIC pair of underwear. I imagined it under pants I had, and dresses and like, wearing them to bed, as a surprise to my boyfriend--"look, new underwear! so exciting!". I get downstairs and try to look for a few more things I need. but i can't.

i can't get over the fact that this woman would steal my underwear, and then not even have the DECENCY to admit that she had stolen my wonderfully priced panties when i confronted her. so I did what any person would have done in an hour of desperation, i headed back up the stairs and was going to talk things out with this evil beast. she's still browsing with my chonies in hand. i abruptly look through the underwear beside her with undeniable adrenaline growing in my loins. finally it forces words out of my mouth.

Me - "are you sure you didn't find those at the dressing room?"
Panty Snatcher - (dirty look) "i find them right here."
Me - "well i went into the dressing room and when i came out they were gone. and there's not another pair, so why don't you just hand them over"
Panty Snatcher - "they not yours, i find them right here."
Me- "have you ever heard of human decency? you're seriously that rude of a person you can't just give them to me?"
Panty Snatcher - "they not yours"
Me - "ha. yes they are. i was intending to buy them, and you took them."
Panty Snatcher - "they not yours. i find them right here."
Me - "you're lying to me."
Panty Snatcher - "you have no proof!"
Me - (lying) "well i asked the women at the dressing room where they went and she said someone came by and took them."

guilt stricken, she continues looking through the underwear, with the intent to replace the pair she stole from me. after the 4th pair of XXXL grannie panties she attempts to sell me, i just laugh at her stupid attempts, and we continue the dispute. the only thing the bitch can say is, "i find them right here. they not yours."

by this point we are in close enough proximity, i make the executive decision to just take them out of her hand, like she took them out of my section in the dressing room. she shakes her head and says, "don't do that." and holds on tight. i continue to tell her how rude and indecent she is, and strengthen my grip on the panties, "You are a rude and indecent woman!" "for what? " she says to me. like I'm going to pay her or something for this fuckin pair of 99 cent underwear. at this point i really lose my shit. i just can't let her win. i laugh and say, "for human decency. you're a disgrace to the human race. look, you're married. you don't even need cute underwear."

in an attempt to ignore me, she squats down to look at the bottom row, and slightly looses her grip. i give a good yank, and unhook her last finger holding on to them. i storm off as she lets out a sigh of failure. i went straight to the checkout line, bought my shit, and got the hell out of there. my mom was happy to see i found another pair.

yes i am aware that a majority of the things that were said to that woman, would most definitely describe me, considering she did indeed find them where she said. but that was the risk i was willing to take. i apologize if i was in fact the one doing the panty snatching.

Jessie Snatching.